第7章 祖母冷眼,心结深埋
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扎在林秀莲的心上,也扎在龙龙幼小的心底。林秀莲浑身一颤,脸色苍白,却无力反驳。在这个封建思想浓厚的乡间,女子的地位本就卑微,她没能给婆家生下更多的孙子,本就心存愧疚,面对婆婆的指责,她只能默默承受,可看着女儿小小年纪便承受这般不公,她的心如同刀割一般疼痛。
她能做的,只有将女儿护在怀里,用自己微弱的力量,为女儿挡住这世间最伤人的至亲冷眼,可她终究无法改变婆婆的思想,无法改变这世俗的偏见,更无法替女儿承受这份心灵的磨难。
道家讲“天地不仁,以万物为刍狗;圣人不仁,以百姓为刍狗”,又言“道法自然,善恶有报”。天地之间,万物自有其运行规律,亲情本是自然天性,无关性别,无关尊卑,可奶奶却被世俗执念蒙蔽本心,违背自然亲情之道,肆意苛待无辜孩童,看似是偏袒孙子,实则是造下执念之业。而龙龙所承受的这份冷漠与委屈,于她紫微临凡的宿命而言,是天道赋予的凡尘苦劫,是淬炼心性、褪去天星傲气的必经之路,世间万般磨难,皆为修行,皆是顺应天命、涤荡尘俗浊气的过程。
龙龙在妈妈的怀里,听着奶奶一句句刻薄的话语,感受着那道冰冷刺骨的目光,小小的心灵里,渐渐滋生出一种难以言说的情绪。她不懂什么是重男轻女,不懂什么是世俗偏见,可她能清晰地感受到,奶奶不喜欢她,甚至讨厌她,在这个家里,她是多余的,是不被欢迎的。
她开始变得愈发沉默,愈发自卑。平日里,只要奶奶在家,她便会安安静静地待在角落里,要么坐在小凳子上,要么躲在妈妈身后,从不乱跑,从不说话,甚至连呼吸都变得小心翼翼,生怕发出一点动静,便会引来奶奶的呵斥与冷眼。
吃饭的时候,她从不敢主动上桌,总是等爸爸、妈妈、哥哥和奶奶都坐下,妈妈悄悄喊她,她才会蹑手蹑脚地走到桌边,拿起最小的碗,盛最少的饭,低头默默吃着,从不夹菜,从不抬头,快速吃完,便立刻放下碗筷,重新回到角落里,安安静静地待着。
奶奶吃饭时,总会把碗里的鸡蛋、瘦肉,全都夹给龙浩,看着龙浩吃得香甜,脸上便会露出难得的笑容,转头看向龙龙时,瞬间又恢复了冰冷,甚至会嫌弃地说:“吃那么多有什么用,丫头片子,浪费粮食。”
龙龙听到这话,握着碗筷的小手微微颤抖,却依旧低着头,一口一口咽着碗里的白饭,眼泪在眼眶里打转,却始终强忍着,不让眼泪掉下来。她知道,自己不能哭,不能惹奶奶生气,不然,妈妈也会跟着受委屈。
家里有什么好吃的、好玩的,永远都是哥哥龙浩的,奶奶从来不会给她留一分,哪怕是哥哥主动分给她,被奶奶看到,也会被奶奶厉声制止,把东西从她手里抢回去,还给哥哥。
有一次,邻居家送来几颗水果糖,在那个清贫的年代,糖果是无比稀罕的零食。奶奶把所有的糖果都给了龙浩,叮嘱他自己偷偷吃,不准给龙龙。龙浩舍不得吃,悄悄藏了一颗,趁奶奶不注意,塞给了龙龙。
龙龙捧着那颗小小的糖果,心里满是欢喜,这是她长这么大,第一次吃到糖果,刚剥开糖纸,还没来得及放进嘴里,便被奶奶看到了。
奶奶快步走上前,一把夺过她手里的糖果,狠狠扔在地上,用脚碾碎,怒声骂道:“谁让你吃的?这是给我孙子的,你也配吃?不知好歹的东西!”
那颗被碾碎的糖果,粘在泥土里,再也无法拾起,就像龙龙那一刻的心情,碎成了一片,再也拼凑不起来。她看着地上的糖果,眼泪终于忍不住掉了下来,却依旧不敢哭出声,只是默默地流泪,小小的身子瑟瑟发抖。
龙浩冲上前,挡在妹妹身前,对着奶奶大喊:“是我给妹妹的!要骂你骂我!不准你欺负妹妹!”
(本章未完,请点击下一页继续阅读)第7章祖母冷眼,心结深埋(第2/2页)
“你这个不孝孙!”奶奶气得浑身发抖,抬手就要打龙浩,林秀莲立刻冲上前,拦住奶奶,把两个孩子护在身后,红着眼眶说:“妈,您别打孩子,是我的错,是我没教好龙龙,我以后一定看好她,不让她再碰任何东西。”
看着妈妈卑微求情的模样,看着哥哥护着自己的身影,龙龙心里的委屈与疼痛,愈发浓烈。她开始明白,自己的存在,不仅让自己受苦,还会连累妈妈和哥哥,她开始讨厌这样的自己,开始在心底深处,埋下了一个深深的心结。
这个心结,源于奶奶日复一日的冷眼与苛待,源于这份不公平的亲情对待,如同藤蔓一般,在她幼小的心底疯狂滋生,缠绕着她的心脏,让她变得愈发自卑、怯懦、敏感,让她终其一生,都在渴望被认可、被疼爱,也让她在往后的岁月里,拼尽全力想要摆脱这份世俗枷锁,想要证明女子未必不如男。
平日里,妈妈要操持家务、打理农活,哥哥偶尔也要跟着奶奶外出,无法时刻陪在她身边,每
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